There are times when the generational differences between my father and I are really noticeable.
My father was 49 when he had me, nearly 20 years older than the median age for new dads in the late 80s. He was a bit of an old-school parent; he worked a lot and left most of the day-to-day parenting to my mother. Like it or not, that’s just how things were done in my family.
When I was in Year Five talking to my friends about how old our parents were (kids discuss the weirdest things, don’t they?) I remember the surprise on my pals’ faces when I said he was in his 50s. It was the first time I’d realised my dad wasn’t like other dads, he was old enough to be my grandpa.
Growing up, I didn’t have a heap in common with my father. I’m not a parent, so I don’t know for sure, but I imagine finding common ground with your children is pretty vital to the bonding process. With two generations between us, it was difficult for us to find this common ground with my dad.
We couldn’t really bond over music or movies, and it probably goes without saying that being an MSN Messenger-obsessed teenager in the 2000s wasn’t the same as being a teenager, and the son of very poor non-English-speaking Macedonian immigrants, in the 50s.
My mother and I, on the other hand, were and still are exceptionally close. At 35, she was also older than the average woman to start having children in 1989, but I gained a lot of my cultural passions from her, the nurse who would blast David Bowie while driving us to school in the morning.
While women are dealing with the ‘Mental Load’, dads are experiencing the ‘Man Crunch’. Plus, we asked Carrie Bickmore about the mental load and oh boy, she was honest.
I’m 30 now and my father approaches his 80th birthday. Things have changed somewhat: now we’re both adults we can enjoy a good wine together, wax lyrical about books, and debate current events, but with such an age gap comes certain irreconcilable political beliefs, but that’s OK.
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Richard Gere has recently welcomed his third child at age 70, his partner is 37. There have been a lot of opinions about it, too; disgust seems to be a pretty common reaction, as do ones along the lines of “they’re selfish and should be thinking about the child”. But is it really a problem? From a social standpoint, maybe, mostly due to the judgement factor. But there’s no scientific evidence to suggest children of older parents suffer at all, in fact one study suggests children with older parents tend to have fewer behaviour problems. But I digress.
Going purely on my own experience, there are definitely times when the generational differences between my father and I are noticeable, like his complete aversion to technology and certain political views (don’t even get me started on how hard I had to work to get him to take coronavirus seriously). Then again, his age has had no impact on how loving and nurturing he is and how supported I have felt my entire life, and isn’t that what should matter the most?